Post Mortem

Archive for June, 2010

You’ve Got To Have Heart

Friday, June 11th, 2010

DEATH:
Hey there, living people. Welcome to Post Mortem, the fake online talk-radio show where fictional characters talk to me about their books, their Authors, and basically anything they want. I’m your host, Death.

The next guest on Post Mortem has a broken heart — and not in the way that you think. Everyone, say hello to the star of Shari Maurer’s debut novel CHANGE OF HEART. . . Emmi Miller!

[APPLAUSE]

Hey, Emmi.

EMMI:
Hey, everyone.

DEATH:
Tell us about CHANGE OF HEART.

EMMI:
I’m a competitive soccer player with a great life, until one day a virus gets me so sick that without a new heart, I will die.

DEATH:
Dude. Sounds like you should be talking to my co-worker, Pestilence.

EMMI:
Well, for me to get a new heart, some other person has to die.

DEATH:
Ah. So you’re chatting with the correct Horseman. [GRINS] You’re in a tough spot. Anything good about your situation?

EMMI:
Well, I probably would have said not having to go to school while I was waiting for my heart, except the reality of it is that it’s really boring.

DEATH:
Yeah?

EMMI:
I miss my peeps!

DEATH:
Gotcha.

EMMI:
The funny thing is that when I went to school, no one really noticed me. Once I was out of school, I was e-mailing with my teachers several times a week. And I have a feeling that there was a lot of gossip about me. Every time I ran into someone from school, they would give me a funny look. [PAUSES] Strangely, the whole thing probably brought me closer to Sam.

DEATH:
Sam?

EMMI:
He was amazingly supportive and would chat with me and help me study.

DEATH:
Nice. If you could be anyone, who would it be?

EMMI:
Mia Hamm. She is probably one of the greatest women’s soccer players ever. She has set all sorts of records, played college, professional and for the US National Team. And then she went on to marry a baseball player. She gives hope to my hot baseball-playing boyfriend Sam and me for a successful soccer-baseball intermarriage!

DEATH:
Heh. Hope springs eternal, from what I hear. What’s your standard outfit?

EMMI:
T-shirt, sweats and flip flops—unless I’m wearing my soccer uniform and cleats, of course.

DEATH:
Of course. Missy from RAGE would love to hang out with you, I just know it. What wouldn’t you be, ha ha, caught dead in?

EMMI:
Using the phrase “wouldn’t be caught dead in” kind of freaks me out.

DEATH:
Whoops, sorry about that.

EMMI:
I have to say that even though I’m a bit of a jock, I like getting dressed up too

DEATH:
What are you most afraid of?

EMMI:
I’m most afraid of you, Death.

DEATH:
Why? I’m a nice sort of anthropomorphic personification.

EMMI:
We come pretty close in my story and unfortunately, I will be having you looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life.

DEATH:
Er. Well. It’s a nice shoulder, if that matters…

EMMI:
I’ll try not to think about you too much, but I think you’re always there in the background.

DEATH:
[SMILES] I always am, for every living creature. Comes with the scythe. What’s one thing about you that no one else knows?

EMMI:
I actually don’t hate my brothers as much as I tell everyone I do.

DEATH:
Blood is thicker than water, after all. In CHANGE OF HEART were there any parts of the story where you were like, Shari, what on earth are you making me do? Or were you and your Author in sync the entire time?

EMMI:
Shari had my best friend Becca and me have a No-Sex pact.

DEATH:
Oh my.

EMMI:
It made sense at one point, but when I got involved with Sam, I really wanted to chuck it.

DEATH:
Ah, l’amour. If you had your way, what would you change about CHANGE OF HEART?

EMMI:
The end. But I can’t tell you what happens, only that it’s super-awful and I wish it didn’t happen.

DEATH:
Duly noted. If you could make your Author, Shari Maurer, do anything, what would it be?

EMMI:
I’d put her in the hospital for a few days so she could see how it feels.

DEATH:
Heh. I bet she’d really love that. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

EMMI:
I’ve always said that after college I wanted to do a Peace Corp type thing, so I really wish I could make a world where there aren’t any poor children.

DEATH:
[NODS] That’s a good wish. If CHANGE OF HEART goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

EMMI:
Well, if you know someone with crazy, curly hair that never does what it’s supposed to do, that would be good. Or they could wear a wig, right?

DEATH:
Sure.

EMMI:
Do you think that Britt Robertson from Life Unexpected could pull off the athletic part? I wouldn’t mind looking like her!

DEATH:
Absolutely. What about your friend Becca — who should play her?

EMMI:
Well, for Becca, it would have to be someone with great blonde hair. Maybe Blake Lively or Hayden Panettiere, though they may be getting too old to play us high school kids.

DEATH:
Don’t discount the magic of Hollywood. Hey, I understand you have a public service announcement to make. Go for it!

EMMI:
Something that both Shari and I are working on is to make people aware that they should register to be an organ donor. It sucks to think you or your family member might die one day, but there’d be a lot of good you could do — you could help eight people with your organs. As they say, you can’t take them to heaven with you, so wouldn’t it be great to leave them to help someone else survive? You can find out how to register at www.donatelife.net. You need to be 18 to register, but you can tell all your friends and family members to register too.

DEATH:
That’s an excellent cause. Dying is also about living. And being an organ donor helps you make a positive impact on the world, even after you’ve left. Rock on, Emmi. If there’s one piece of advice you could give to your fans, what would it be?

EMMI:
Patience is the key to life. I had absolutely no patience before everything began, but then I had no choice but to wait for things, so I learned: patience is a virtue. Isn’t that what they say?

DEATH:
Indeed. Finally, who’s your favorite Horseman of the Apocalypse?

EMMI:
Why, it’s you, Death. Duh!

DEATH:
Heh. Well put.

Living people, give another round of applause for the star of Shari Maurer’s debut novel CHANGE OF HEART…Emmi Miller!

[APPLAUSE]

SM

[No, this isn't Emmi. But it is her author, Shari Maurer.]

You can purchase CHANGE OF HEART at your favorite independent bookseller, the publisher WestSide Books, Amazon, and other fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Post Mortem. Until next time: Go thee out unto the world. Rock on.